Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Witches and Killers

1. Ravenous Brod was once an emperor, but sold his domain to Death so that he might hold power over the undead. Now he travels the world, undying, attended by an entourage of gorgeously mummified eunuchs as he buys and sells objects of great rarity and puissance.

2. Witch Boy is an abandoned feral child who stumbled into prodigious arcane power when he sold his old age to a nightmare. Now he holds court over an array of diabolical entities, which attend to him in his forest hideaway with terrified, fawning respect. He wants for nothing but parents.

3. Agony Aunt was a spinster in a past life, but a bandit raid left her homeless, without family, and all too aware of the limitations of domesticity. Now she keeps a witch's heart in a jar of formaldehyde and feeds it lost souls and drops of blood  in return for spells. She willing to provide magical services in return for favors, but possesses a political sensibility that could politely be described as traditional and accurately described as reactionary.

4. The Child of the Final Gate is a young woman who pawned her memory to the Hour of Midnight. She commands the forces of dark and dream and sleep and seeks the reason she desired such power in the first place. Her magic fails in daylight.

5. Candletongue branded his tongue with the 4th Syllable of the Name of Providence. He operates out of an abandoned cathedral on behalf of the Archangel of War, hunting demons and undead and heretics. He possesses a hatred of deviants, heathens, foreigners, idolaters, and, inexplicably, horses.

6. Jon the Not is the inverse remnants of the man who pledged his quiddity to the Sans Seraph. He looks like a photo negative and can create silences, shadows, pauses, and voids. He wishes nothing more than to tear his long-dead love out of history so she can reside with him endlessly in anti-time.

7. Sir Gnomon made a demon of clocks his liege. Now he has gears turning in his flesh, and cannot rest or change or forget. His armor is impenetrable, but he must keep all the dreams he doesn’t have locked up in a coffer lest they overwhelm him.

8. Vermin Festival traded his guts for a loyal swarm of rats. During the day, they rest in his body, multiplying and whispering secrets, while at night, they go forth and do his bidding. He is a gourmet of pestilence, and each rat in his body is infected with a different, horrible disease.

1. Scarlet Deluxe is steel golem in the shape of a woman and covered with red enamel. It was once a slave, but swore an oath to never serve without recompense. It can unfold its limbs into all manners of strange weapons and devices, and will accept ancient blueprints and schematics as payment.

2. Tee To Tum is a giant and a madman; his mother was a princess, but he wants blood above all else. He likes to hide in (relatively) small spaces to surprise his prey, and he only kills with his teeth.

3. Regular Davis is utterly unremarkable and seemingly without history. His victims always die in gruesome public accidents.

4. The Terrible Terrier is a small brown dog with the mind of a man and is guilty of the most heinous of crimes. He favors killing with exotic poisons, and thought his fees are outrageous, who is going to believe any witnesses?

5. Teefs has horns like a goat and likes to push her victims from high places. She keeps the ghosts of everyone she has killed in a burlap sack, and covets the ghost of a true monarch more than anything.

6. Odile is possessed by a malicious, cursed undine and can transform into a swan. She is terrified of water, for she can only kill or be killed through drowning.

7. Suspira is almost completely undetectable, for she can only be seen through windows and doorways. Her breath carries a terrible poison, and rumor has it she is building a ship of immense size, surpassing luxury, and unknown purpose.

8. The Hunter wears animal costumes to get close to his victims and kills with a brazen sickle. Some say he has made friends with the druids, and all know he murders those who speak his true name.


  1. Vermin Festival is a beautiful creature. I want him at my birthday party.

    Not, like, in the house. But maybe hanging out by the grill. Tee To Turn is pretty fantastic, too. +2.

  2. These are so fucking good. Regular Davis and the Terrible Terrier made me laugh.