Thursday, May 14, 2015

Love and War

Having taken a closer look at Swords and Wizardry Complete, I have come to the conclusion that assassins are boring and monks are dumb. This is somewhat inspired by +Arnold K.'s excellent post on void monks.

Saint of Honey and Salt
a class for old school D&D-likes

HP and XP as Magic-users
Attack bonus and saves as Clerics

Also called Las Basiliscas, the Velvet People, Pretty Poisoners, Beauty Monks

Each major city has a House of Honey and Salt, which acts as the home and headquarters of all Saints in the region. These Houses are temple-brothel-hospitals; few injuries or illnesses are beyond the flesh-crawling curatives of the Saints, though they charge a high price.

Saints are the enemies of the medusae, the drow, and the Weaver's Guild. Their cousins are the vampires. They have treaties with the basilisks, dryads, nymphs, succubi, and shadows. Saints make servants of bees and flesh golems.

Saints have a reputation for espionage, though nobody knows where their interests lie. They're that good. A nation's monarch having a Saint in their court is viewed the same way as having a child king or a doddering regent: a sign of instability and bad things to come.

The dogma of the Saints is Love and their doctrine is Spite. A Saint cannot wield weapons and must avoid inflicting pain wherever possible (This is interpreted liberally. The Saints as an organization make extensive use of poisons, and have no problem telling their underlings to do exceedingly painful things to their enemies). Saints also cannot wear armor, as it conceals their bodies.

from full metal alchemist
A Saint is like this:
You're always a little flushed, a little feverish, though you never seem to sweat. The whites of your eyes have no blood vessels, you tongue and lips are red; your hair is albino white or the iridescent black of crow feathers or else it shines like the sun on the sea etc etc. You look like the fervid imaginings of a court poet or a Raymond Chandler character or the lover of a hero from antiquity.
  • While you suffer the physical effects of old age like anyone else, you always appear to be in the full flush of youth. 
  • You are thoroughly trained in the arts of dancing, singing, and/or acting. 
  • Your Charisma score increases by 1 every time you gain a level, to a maximum 18. If you wish, you can use your Charisma score in place of your armor class.
  • You can make somebody's blood weep painlessly out of their skin by touching them, flesh to flesh. A hand's worth of coverage deals d6 damage (and requires an attack roll in combat, assuming they aren't completely covered). More area of contact deals more damage, to a maximum of d20. This makes grappling with you very dangerous. Looks sort of like this:
by Bernypisa, distributed under Creative Commons
Level 2: Sweet Nothings
You can cast Suggestion at will by whispering into somebody's ear for a full round, close enough that they can feel your breath on their face.

Level 3: Fascination
You can Charm someone by kissing them. They must be willing or restrained, and they get a saving throw. People Charmed in this way become obsessive, withdrawn, feverish, and Detect as Chaotic and/or Evil.

Level 4: Fountain of Youth
During downtime, you can prepare a special bath of animal hormones, plant extracts, and generally weird drugs that
  • cures diseases
  • restores lost limbs
  • removes deformities, like scars, tumors, and dermal fungal colonies
This bath costs 1,000 gp and works for a single person. You might have trouble finding the ingredients in backwater areas, though you can haul them around if you so choose; they count as 2 significant items. 

Level 5: Carnation
You can spend a downtime action to change your appearance. You can't radically alter your body plan (so you can't become a quadruped or grow new limbs or change your arms to wings) or mimic a particular person, but you can change your build, posture, sex, pigmentation, and so on. 

Level 6: Pretty Poison
If you consume a poison or drug and survive, you become immune to its effects. Furthermore, consuming a poison or drug to which you are immune allows you to preserve it in your body for d6 Turns. Anything that eats you (or at least a significant chunk) isn't going to be feeling so great after, and your bodily fluids work as a contact poison of the same type, though victims get a +3 to saving throws against it in this form. Saint Malvada defeated the Blue Iron King by spitting into his eye, then getting his pet dragon to eat her arm.

Level 7:
You can read someone's mind as per ESP by staring into their eyes for a full round. They can feel you reading their mind, so usually they must be restrained or otherwise unable to look away. 

Level 8: All Shall Love Me and Despair
Once a day, you can issue a Mass Command. (As Command, but afflicts everyone in earshot)

Level 9: House of Honey and Salt
You found your own House of Honey and Salt and gain 2d6 disciples.

Level 10: Only Lovers Left Alive
Once per day, you can kill someone with fewer HD than you have levels by touching their bare chest with your forefinger. No save.

christian dior
from fire emblem awakening


  1. Awesome stuff. Does the mass command affect everyone that hears it, or just the people that the caster targets?

    Also, is a downtime activity something you do in town, at the campsite, or between fights?

    1. Everyone who hears it, but you get a save if you have 12+ or 4+ HD, and it only lasts 1 round.

      And downtime activity is something like preparing spells. Something you do in between whole adventures. It's something I like to make abstract. Borrowed the term from Brendan S.